[the event of the plate falling is still too close to him still, so he can only imagine that the grief sits too closely to her heart, moreso than what she lets on. she had been right back then, talking about how the risk was too big, how he met her gaze at the bar and knew that she did not approve. it was a hard lesson on actions having consequences—of them being powerless against such a bigger force such as shinra.]
[he can push aside the guilt of those who lost their lives that day, those who lost everything.]
[but tifa? he has a feeling she carries that guilt on her shoulders. when her voice cracks, it's almost enough to put him at a loss, wanting to reach out—but he holds out, waiting to see what else she's got to say.]
Just like home.
[he blurts out.]
[nibelheim burning, the inevitability of it all. their being unable to do anything to stop it, to protect their home. cloud remembers being there, even if tifa might not remember him being there.]
It seems like every time I show up it's to bring a bad omen. With our home, back then. With your new home in sector seven.
[his gaze returns to where their hands join, and he's... quiet a while.]
I know it's not much, but I promise you none of those losses will be in vain. I'll make sure every single one of them count. Jessie, Biggs. Our parents. [he shakes his head] We'll stick together, like we should have had, five years ago.
[His words sting a little more than perhaps he intended them to. Not because it was the wrong thing to say, but thinking that any of it is his responsibility to bear... Her hands stretch out to reach for his.]
You're not some kind of bad omen. You never were, so don't think that, okay?
[She was so happy to see him again. Elated. She was never sure if she would again. And no matter what they'd been through or what Shinra could throw at them, that part never changed. Nothing bad ever came out of having Cloud around, and no one thought so, either. Although... it might have taken Barret some time to warm up to him.
There's a chocobo waiting for food next to them, but the only sound it makes is the rustling of its tail feathers and a soft, gentle chirp to get their attention. Tifa's fingers fall away when she reaches into the basket for some gysahl green and passes it over to the bird. It deserves a pat on its head for being so patient, too.
It's Tifa's turn to shake her head.]
You had somewhere you wanted to be five years ago. Do you remember what you said to me back then?
[something about her words in trying to reassure him hit in a way he can't quite... solidify. while he wasn't exactly aiming at self-deprecating humor, it does highlight just how terrible he feels about everything he was unable to stop; how he couldn't do much of anything to protect his home or those who slowly started accepting him—perhaps even respecting him, in some way.]
[his thoughts are momentarily stolen from him as the chocobo vies for their attention.]
[cloud sighs, keeping his head lowered.]
I can't remember much of anything. [an admittance, perhaps...] I remember the important things, but details are — [he stops, then figures there's no point not talking about it. president shinra had put it on blast either way, before they fought the air buster.] It's the mako.
[It's said with a defeated nod, but she remains where she is, standing her ground against the onslaught of emotions. It's a touchy subject, she knows, but she also knows there's far more to the story than he's letting on and it's tricky for her to navigate how to help him through it if she doesn't know. But... she doesn't want to talk about that right now. About the mako.
There's something forced about her smile, but she pursues it anyway, even knowing that Cloud will just see right through it.]
You said you were going to be the best of the best... way back then!
[The memory itself draws an accidental, breathy laugh out of her, and she glances up at the sky. It's no starry one like the night he made the promise, but it's still as wide and expansive as ever, even with the clouds that have started to roll in.]
I know... you're not a SOLDIER anymore, but heroes save people, so that's what you're gonna do, yeah?
[It's not reiterated to put any pressure on his shoulders, but she hopes that it will, at the very least, remind him that he has nothing to feel guilty about. Not when it comes to her, especially. She will have none of these "should haves" anymore.]
[the best? he doesn't know about that. he wasn't able to even do that, not even for himself. but he listens on, raising his eyes to look at tifa. she's not saying these things to get him in any position where he doubts himself or feels shitty about choices made or promises undone.]
Tifa, we were kids—
[it feels like such a long time ago. but he can see that she's trying, desperately, to hold to some semblance of hope and positivity, and he's just so fraught with the weight of a lot of issues he hasn't even been able to look into.]
I'm not going to do that.
[finally, he grabs at one of the greens in the basket and offers it to an enthused chocobo.]
We are. [he peers back towards her] All of us. I know better than to try and do this by myself.
Right. We are. I'd never let you go at this alone.
[He was never going to have to, especially if Tifa had anything to say about it. It's difficult to know exactly what he's thinking, or if she's even saying the right things, but him accepting their help and opening up to her even a little is a step in the right direction. She's careful, though – the last thing she wants is for him to close himself off again, like he did when he returned to Sector 7.
So, Tifa lets out an airy laugh and nods over to the group in the distance still prepping their lunch feast before her hands wrap around his wrist. She tugs – gently – to bring him further with her into the pen where the smaller chocobo chicks are grazing among their parents.]
And I don't think you're stubborn enough to convince Barret otherwise, either.
[He's warmed up to Cloud since they came back from their first mission.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[he can push aside the guilt of those who lost their lives that day, those who lost everything.]
[but tifa? he has a feeling she carries that guilt on her shoulders. when her voice cracks, it's almost enough to put him at a loss, wanting to reach out—but he holds out, waiting to see what else she's got to say.]
Just like home.
[he blurts out.]
[nibelheim burning, the inevitability of it all. their being unable to do anything to stop it, to protect their home. cloud remembers being there, even if tifa might not remember him being there.]
It seems like every time I show up it's to bring a bad omen. With our home, back then. With your new home in sector seven.
[his gaze returns to where their hands join, and he's... quiet a while.]
I know it's not much, but I promise you none of those losses will be in vain. I'll make sure every single one of them count. Jessie, Biggs. Our parents. [he shakes his head] We'll stick together, like we should have had, five years ago.
no subject
You're not some kind of bad omen. You never were, so don't think that, okay?
[She was so happy to see him again. Elated. She was never sure if she would again. And no matter what they'd been through or what Shinra could throw at them, that part never changed. Nothing bad ever came out of having Cloud around, and no one thought so, either. Although... it might have taken Barret some time to warm up to him.
There's a chocobo waiting for food next to them, but the only sound it makes is the rustling of its tail feathers and a soft, gentle chirp to get their attention. Tifa's fingers fall away when she reaches into the basket for some gysahl green and passes it over to the bird. It deserves a pat on its head for being so patient, too.
It's Tifa's turn to shake her head.]
You had somewhere you wanted to be five years ago. Do you remember what you said to me back then?
no subject
[his thoughts are momentarily stolen from him as the chocobo vies for their attention.]
[cloud sighs, keeping his head lowered.]
I can't remember much of anything. [an admittance, perhaps...] I remember the important things, but details are — [he stops, then figures there's no point not talking about it. president shinra had put it on blast either way, before they fought the air buster.] It's the mako.
[sure, cloud.]
no subject
[It's said with a defeated nod, but she remains where she is, standing her ground against the onslaught of emotions. It's a touchy subject, she knows, but she also knows there's far more to the story than he's letting on and it's tricky for her to navigate how to help him through it if she doesn't know. But... she doesn't want to talk about that right now. About the mako.
There's something forced about her smile, but she pursues it anyway, even knowing that Cloud will just see right through it.]
You said you were going to be the best of the best... way back then!
[The memory itself draws an accidental, breathy laugh out of her, and she glances up at the sky. It's no starry one like the night he made the promise, but it's still as wide and expansive as ever, even with the clouds that have started to roll in.]
I know... you're not a SOLDIER anymore, but heroes save people, so that's what you're gonna do, yeah?
[It's not reiterated to put any pressure on his shoulders, but she hopes that it will, at the very least, remind him that he has nothing to feel guilty about. Not when it comes to her, especially. She will have none of these "should haves" anymore.]
no subject
Tifa, we were kids—
[it feels like such a long time ago. but he can see that she's trying, desperately, to hold to some semblance of hope and positivity, and he's just so fraught with the weight of a lot of issues he hasn't even been able to look into.]
I'm not going to do that.
[finally, he grabs at one of the greens in the basket and offers it to an enthused chocobo.]
We are. [he peers back towards her] All of us. I know better than to try and do this by myself.
no subject
Right. We are. I'd never let you go at this alone.
[He was never going to have to, especially if Tifa had anything to say about it. It's difficult to know exactly what he's thinking, or if she's even saying the right things, but him accepting their help and opening up to her even a little is a step in the right direction. She's careful, though – the last thing she wants is for him to close himself off again, like he did when he returned to Sector 7.
So, Tifa lets out an airy laugh and nods over to the group in the distance still prepping their lunch feast before her hands wrap around his wrist. She tugs – gently – to bring him further with her into the pen where the smaller chocobo chicks are grazing among their parents.]
And I don't think you're stubborn enough to convince Barret otherwise, either.
[He's warmed up to Cloud since they came back from their first mission.
... They've all come a long way since then.]