[ It reminds him of how things used to be, the way that thoughts and visions and pictures would fly through his mind, twisting up memories and confusing them with others. The headaches would drill a hole through his skull and then he'd be somewhere else, and then back in the place where he started, everything would be different. In the same way, he imagines the gentle way that Tifa would squeeze his hand and turn him down; he's waiting for it, his breath baited between clenched teeth, spiraling into the thoughts and plans of how he would even politely react to such a thing, how he would maintain their friendship, how he would try his best not to do the thing he always does, and run away. It's so distracting that he almost doesn't realize what she says.
And what she says--that isn't what he expected, at all. She's agreeing to it, almost like it's something she's wanted to, something she's been waiting for him to say, and all the breath rushes out of him, his head dizzy with disbelief. How could it have been so easy, all this time? Just like the kiss that he'd always been afraid to take, just like her hand that he'd been afraid to twine his fingers with: despite his stupid words and stupid methods, she actually wants to do it. A part of him wants to laugh, and even a part of him would cry, if he were the same kid from years ago--but he squeezes her hand, and the smile on his lips is hard to fade.
--Until, of course, she speaks up again. His chin lifts, eyes that swim with a slight twinge of worry to them; is she feeling unwell? Too many rides? Tifa's always been so strong to him that he doesn't think she'd struggle with anything like that, but-- ]
Yeah...Yeah, of course. [ Another gentle squeeze to her hand. ] Looks like we're here, anyway.
[ The gondola is swinging down to the platform again, and the staff open the doors--carefully, Cloud ducks his head and steps out ahead of her only so that he can use their joined arms to keep Tifa steady as she exits, reaffirming that her feet are firmly on the ground before he loosens his grip, as though to allow her to break free from his hand if needed.
There's a nod forward, towards the winding path that will lead them down to the inn. ]
[Tifa's bottom lip catches between her teeth. The way he always worries about her like this is sweet—she can take care of herself just as well, but when he looks at her that way, or when he becomes so careful with her, as if she were the most fragile glass flower in the world, it makes her heart swell and flutter in her chest. Even if he won't say it, she can see it... She can sense it the same way she could anticipate his movements when the two of them were sealed in battle side by side.
After all these years, not much has changed.
So, when she feels his grip loosen, she takes it upon herself to tighten her own, carefully weaving her small fingers into the warmth of his, threading them together so that she's locked to him, and him to her before they start back the way they came.
And at his first step, she laughs and quietly teases him.]
... Not fast enough.
[The crowds do wonders to mask the thundering of Tifa's heart in her own head, but she can't help but wonder if Cloud can hear it with his enhanced senses. She isn't even sure why it's so, or why she asked to go back in the first place. There's still so much to do around the Gold Saucer, all these new attractions that weren't here last time that she had made plans to see, and that she looked forward to seeing! But those desires are far eclipsed by the single one that surges new inside her—the same one that has her walking right up at his side, and the same one that wishes that all of these people would disappear and leave them all alone because the longer she stays in that pocket of his warmth, the more she yearns to kiss him more. To test and try new things...
And now that she has, she can't bring herself to think about anything else.]
I just... [Her voice is small beside him as they walk.] I'd really like to be alone with you...
[For as long as she can remember—that was all that Tifa Lockhart has ever wanted, and now, she's finally found the courage to say so. Found that courage pressed on his lips like it had been there waiting for her to take all along...]
[ There's an embarrassed wince--a part of him had almost been worried about that. ]
...Sorry. I won't go so slow.
[ It isn't like he means to belittle her, or to mask her own strength, but more that he's worried that maybe all the excitement of the evening has knocked something out of her, or that all the talk up on the gondola has maybe taken too much out of her; it isn't shameful, at least in his eyes, and his own body feels a little like he's been through battle, with all of his uncertainty and nervousness wiped clean, the spot where it had all festered inside of him miraculously empty and raw. In some ways, he feels so light all of a sudden, like so much of his concern and worry has been lifted up with the gondola, far away from him and his thoughts. The lingering fear of what the stigma will do, for now, seems to have been pushed aside; all he feels is Tifa's hand, tightening in his, and it draws a smile.
He's embarrassed to find that he's misread the situation entirely, but that doesn't surprise him, either. For as well as he knows Tifa, and for as good of friends as they are, he knows that her thoughts and feelings about him are definitely a blind spot for his own understanding; he can never quite figure those out correctly, as though always determined to expect the worst. He knows that Tifa is a woman that he doesn't deserve, but if she wants him--he can't very well refuse, can't find it in himself to be a good enough person to do so. As they continue to walk, pitching back up along the slight hill that will take them back to the inn, he finds himself smiling, something stupid and boyish. ]
...Funny. I'd like to be alone with you, too.
[ Because it's been so long, hasn't it? Days like this are usually entangled with their friends, or with the kids, or with the space that he forces between them--it's been so long since they've been alone like this, together for a whole night without any interruptions.
The thought makes his throat a little dry; his heart rabbits up in his chest, and as they approach the main doors, he doesn't detach from Tifa, using only his free hand to pull the door open for her to walk through first. ]
Why don't you head up to the room? I'll be right behind you, promise.
slides back into your inbox... i'm so sorry for taking eternity 😭
[His response earns a light peal of laughter from her—a warm one that spreads from her heart through her chest and straight into her cheeks before it leaves her. The closer they get to the doors, the more her heart begins to feel like it, too, might erupt into a flurry of butterflies maddened by the anticipation of what's to come. Not that she has any presumptions of what could happen, but simply the thought of being alone with Cloud Strife anywhere could make a girl's whole heart explode...
Would make Tifa Lockhart's explode.
So, when he holds open the door for her, she can feel that breath catching in her lungs again, enough to make her gasp out loud—something she had tried so hard not to do just now.
But when he suggests that she go on ahead...
Just as she's about to walk through, she stops, fingers tightening in between his.]
Wait. Are you not coming up with me?
[Had she said something wrong? Did she make him feel something? Maybe doubt, or regret? Was he afraid to be alone with her? Of course she's wracked with nerves—she always is when this sort of opportunity presents itself because it so rarely ever does—but that didn't mean that she didn't want to be alone with him. If anything, it only made her want it more. To be able to be themselves in the silence and privacy of their room, without the sights and sounds of the Saucer, loud and bright and so in the way of their own thoughts. It's easy for them to get drowned out when there are so many different things to focus on.
So, Tifa looks at him with just a touch of confusion in her hopeful eyes.]
[ He can see it in her eyes, the sudden flash of confusion, that shimmer of worry that he sees often there, swimming in the depths of her gaze; she's concerned again, and it's his fault again, and he realizes like an idiot that those words were meant to be more reassuring than he thinks they came out as. Why had he said them at all? He does that so often: saying things without actually explaining them, giving excuses when he should be giving something a little more concrete.
With a soft squeeze of her hand, a gentle reassurance, he shakes his head. ]
Of course I'm coming up with you. I was just...
[ His free hand lifts, a soft, gentle point towards the front desk; there's a couple there clearly checking into their room, and the sound in the lobby is rather quiet other than the warm level of their voices and the occasional screech from one of the decorations hanging above one window. With a sheepish smile, he continues: ]
...thinking of asking if we could get room service sent up. A bottle of...something. Wine.
[ It's embarrassing to have to spell his own plans out, clumsy as they are; he hadn't been thinking that far ahead, more concerned with the immediate first steps of getting Tifa safely up to the room and then beyond, but it makes sense that she would want to know, and that she would be concerned. After all, it's almost like he's turning his back on precisely what he said before.
With a faint shake of his head, he tightens his grip on her hand, giving it another squeeze. ]
I don't mind just coming up with you instead. I just thought since we're on vacation... [ A small, bashful sort of smile. ] ...and we could stand to celebrate a little.
[She thinks she's just felt her heart skip several beats all in a row.
Tifa has always teased Cloud—perhaps sometimes ruthlessly—for how thoughtful and acute he's become to everything she does. She's always thought it cute that he paid so much attention to all of the details, and Tifa tries her best to do the same for him. Even if they may not realize it at times, they know their way around the other so well that it sometimes catches her by surprise... like it has just now.
Wine? Is the first thing that she says, stupidly dumbfounded by it all, like a deer caught in headlights, but it doesn't take long for that surprise to sink in, and for it to soften into an equally timid smile.]
No, it's okay...!
[She wants to reel her question back in and swallow it back up. She feels silly and terrible, like she's just ruined a perfectly good surprise that he had planned for her, but instead, she's quick to correct her course, squeezing his hand in return.]
I'd... I'd really like that.
[Meaning to signal to him wordlessly, Tifa allows her fingers to loosen around his hand.]
I think we should celebrate. It's not often we get to come all the way out here like this.
["Like this" being alone without the kids in tow. She loves Marlene and Denzel with all her heart, but being here with Cloud without having to worry about them has been something she hadn't realized she needed until she finally had it.
Though, the implications of that—her own self-imposed implications—have her heart racing in her chest and her cheeks glowing with colour.]
[ It doesn't worry him, the way that Tifa's fingers loosen--and in a way he's grateful for it, as though it proves once again that she has trust in him, that she's willing to extend herself that far for him. With a soft, careful squeeze, he drops his hand away, almost awkwardly sliding it down into his pocket instead; he worries a little that he might try to walk her back to the room anyway, hand at her back, and that would absolutely ruin both her graciousness with the situation and his own words.
With a small, bashful smile, he nods, indicating that she should go ahead and take the steps back up all the way. ]
Promise I'll be right behind you.
[ And it isn't a difficult promise to make--or keep, either. Even as he makes his way back down into the lobby, the couple ahead of him doesn't take too long to check in, and his conversation with the front desk is brief. There is room service, he finds out, but it's a little expensive; he had been expecting that, of course, and doesn't mind shelling out for the sake of celebration. With the order placed and the promises of the staff to knock and leave the wine outside the door, he hurries back to the staircase.
With a slow breath to calm his nerves, he forces his steps to be more measured--by the time he makes it to their door, he thinks he's mastered the art of looking cool and collected, carefully seeing himself into the room and closing the door, gently, at his back. ]
Tifa? [ He decides it's safer to call out to her before accidentally surprising her in a less positive way; he gently moves to hang his jacket up in the small closet, at least, getting rid of his shoes at the door. ] Don't tell me something in the room gobbled you up.
[ It's wry and almost bemused, as he moves forward further into the room. ] That would be just my luck, you know.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
And what she says--that isn't what he expected, at all. She's agreeing to it, almost like it's something she's wanted to, something she's been waiting for him to say, and all the breath rushes out of him, his head dizzy with disbelief. How could it have been so easy, all this time? Just like the kiss that he'd always been afraid to take, just like her hand that he'd been afraid to twine his fingers with: despite his stupid words and stupid methods, she actually wants to do it. A part of him wants to laugh, and even a part of him would cry, if he were the same kid from years ago--but he squeezes her hand, and the smile on his lips is hard to fade.
--Until, of course, she speaks up again. His chin lifts, eyes that swim with a slight twinge of worry to them; is she feeling unwell? Too many rides? Tifa's always been so strong to him that he doesn't think she'd struggle with anything like that, but-- ]
Yeah...Yeah, of course. [ Another gentle squeeze to her hand. ] Looks like we're here, anyway.
[ The gondola is swinging down to the platform again, and the staff open the doors--carefully, Cloud ducks his head and steps out ahead of her only so that he can use their joined arms to keep Tifa steady as she exits, reaffirming that her feet are firmly on the ground before he loosens his grip, as though to allow her to break free from his hand if needed.
There's a nod forward, towards the winding path that will lead them down to the inn. ]
Let me know if I'm walking too fast.
no subject
After all these years, not much has changed.
So, when she feels his grip loosen, she takes it upon herself to tighten her own, carefully weaving her small fingers into the warmth of his, threading them together so that she's locked to him, and him to her before they start back the way they came.
And at his first step, she laughs and quietly teases him.]
... Not fast enough.
[The crowds do wonders to mask the thundering of Tifa's heart in her own head, but she can't help but wonder if Cloud can hear it with his enhanced senses. She isn't even sure why it's so, or why she asked to go back in the first place. There's still so much to do around the Gold Saucer, all these new attractions that weren't here last time that she had made plans to see, and that she looked forward to seeing! But those desires are far eclipsed by the single one that surges new inside her—the same one that has her walking right up at his side, and the same one that wishes that all of these people would disappear and leave them all alone because the longer she stays in that pocket of his warmth, the more she yearns to kiss him more. To test and try new things...
And now that she has, she can't bring herself to think about anything else.]
I just... [Her voice is small beside him as they walk.] I'd really like to be alone with you...
[For as long as she can remember—that was all that Tifa Lockhart has ever wanted, and now, she's finally found the courage to say so. Found that courage pressed on his lips like it had been there waiting for her to take all along...]
no subject
...Sorry. I won't go so slow.
[ It isn't like he means to belittle her, or to mask her own strength, but more that he's worried that maybe all the excitement of the evening has knocked something out of her, or that all the talk up on the gondola has maybe taken too much out of her; it isn't shameful, at least in his eyes, and his own body feels a little like he's been through battle, with all of his uncertainty and nervousness wiped clean, the spot where it had all festered inside of him miraculously empty and raw. In some ways, he feels so light all of a sudden, like so much of his concern and worry has been lifted up with the gondola, far away from him and his thoughts. The lingering fear of what the stigma will do, for now, seems to have been pushed aside; all he feels is Tifa's hand, tightening in his, and it draws a smile.
He's embarrassed to find that he's misread the situation entirely, but that doesn't surprise him, either. For as well as he knows Tifa, and for as good of friends as they are, he knows that her thoughts and feelings about him are definitely a blind spot for his own understanding; he can never quite figure those out correctly, as though always determined to expect the worst. He knows that Tifa is a woman that he doesn't deserve, but if she wants him--he can't very well refuse, can't find it in himself to be a good enough person to do so. As they continue to walk, pitching back up along the slight hill that will take them back to the inn, he finds himself smiling, something stupid and boyish. ]
...Funny. I'd like to be alone with you, too.
[ Because it's been so long, hasn't it? Days like this are usually entangled with their friends, or with the kids, or with the space that he forces between them--it's been so long since they've been alone like this, together for a whole night without any interruptions.
The thought makes his throat a little dry; his heart rabbits up in his chest, and as they approach the main doors, he doesn't detach from Tifa, using only his free hand to pull the door open for her to walk through first. ]
Why don't you head up to the room? I'll be right behind you, promise.
slides back into your inbox... i'm so sorry for taking eternity 😭
Would make Tifa Lockhart's explode.
So, when he holds open the door for her, she can feel that breath catching in her lungs again, enough to make her gasp out loud—something she had tried so hard not to do just now.
But when he suggests that she go on ahead...
Just as she's about to walk through, she stops, fingers tightening in between his.]
Wait. Are you not coming up with me?
[Had she said something wrong? Did she make him feel something? Maybe doubt, or regret? Was he afraid to be alone with her? Of course she's wracked with nerves—she always is when this sort of opportunity presents itself because it so rarely ever does—but that didn't mean that she didn't want to be alone with him. If anything, it only made her want it more. To be able to be themselves in the silence and privacy of their room, without the sights and sounds of the Saucer, loud and bright and so in the way of their own thoughts. It's easy for them to get drowned out when there are so many different things to focus on.
So, Tifa looks at him with just a touch of confusion in her hopeful eyes.]
no subject
With a soft squeeze of her hand, a gentle reassurance, he shakes his head. ]
Of course I'm coming up with you. I was just...
[ His free hand lifts, a soft, gentle point towards the front desk; there's a couple there clearly checking into their room, and the sound in the lobby is rather quiet other than the warm level of their voices and the occasional screech from one of the decorations hanging above one window. With a sheepish smile, he continues: ]
...thinking of asking if we could get room service sent up. A bottle of...something. Wine.
[ It's embarrassing to have to spell his own plans out, clumsy as they are; he hadn't been thinking that far ahead, more concerned with the immediate first steps of getting Tifa safely up to the room and then beyond, but it makes sense that she would want to know, and that she would be concerned. After all, it's almost like he's turning his back on precisely what he said before.
With a faint shake of his head, he tightens his grip on her hand, giving it another squeeze. ]
I don't mind just coming up with you instead. I just thought since we're on vacation... [ A small, bashful sort of smile. ] ...and we could stand to celebrate a little.
no subject
Tifa has always teased Cloud—perhaps sometimes ruthlessly—for how thoughtful and acute he's become to everything she does. She's always thought it cute that he paid so much attention to all of the details, and Tifa tries her best to do the same for him. Even if they may not realize it at times, they know their way around the other so well that it sometimes catches her by surprise... like it has just now.
Wine? Is the first thing that she says, stupidly dumbfounded by it all, like a deer caught in headlights, but it doesn't take long for that surprise to sink in, and for it to soften into an equally timid smile.]
No, it's okay...!
[She wants to reel her question back in and swallow it back up. She feels silly and terrible, like she's just ruined a perfectly good surprise that he had planned for her, but instead, she's quick to correct her course, squeezing his hand in return.]
I'd... I'd really like that.
[Meaning to signal to him wordlessly, Tifa allows her fingers to loosen around his hand.]
I think we should celebrate. It's not often we get to come all the way out here like this.
["Like this" being alone without the kids in tow. She loves Marlene and Denzel with all her heart, but being here with Cloud without having to worry about them has been something she hadn't realized she needed until she finally had it.
Though, the implications of that—her own self-imposed implications—have her heart racing in her chest and her cheeks glowing with colour.]
Just... don't keep me waiting too long, okay?
no subject
With a small, bashful smile, he nods, indicating that she should go ahead and take the steps back up all the way. ]
Promise I'll be right behind you.
[ And it isn't a difficult promise to make--or keep, either. Even as he makes his way back down into the lobby, the couple ahead of him doesn't take too long to check in, and his conversation with the front desk is brief. There is room service, he finds out, but it's a little expensive; he had been expecting that, of course, and doesn't mind shelling out for the sake of celebration. With the order placed and the promises of the staff to knock and leave the wine outside the door, he hurries back to the staircase.
With a slow breath to calm his nerves, he forces his steps to be more measured--by the time he makes it to their door, he thinks he's mastered the art of looking cool and collected, carefully seeing himself into the room and closing the door, gently, at his back. ]
Tifa? [ He decides it's safer to call out to her before accidentally surprising her in a less positive way; he gently moves to hang his jacket up in the small closet, at least, getting rid of his shoes at the door. ] Don't tell me something in the room gobbled you up.
[ It's wry and almost bemused, as he moves forward further into the room. ] That would be just my luck, you know.